WILLKOMMEN

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i like boys & pictures of boys

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad:Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad:Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad:Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad:Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad:Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad:Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad:I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad:Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad:Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad:Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad:It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad:Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad:*puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad:My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad:Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad:Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad:I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad:Fuck the government.
Dad:Fuck the school board.
Dad:Close the door.
Dad:Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad:I love puns.
Dad:People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad:Please shut up.
Dad:Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad:I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad:I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad:You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad:Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad:I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad:If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad:They act like I care what they think.
Dad:I hate homework.
Dad:I have decided to become a politician.
Dad:What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
— 4 hours ago with 207800 notes
#o my god 

welovekanyewest:

Hey Mama at the Grammys right after his mom died.

This performance still makes me tear up.

(via storiesofaginger)

— 4 hours ago with 39843 notes
#damn  #kanye 

da-ellie:

Meet the future Guide Dogs! Perdie, Poppy, Pippa, Phoebe, Lola, Percy, Pilot, Cooper, Pluto, and Polo with their proud mum Vicky.

(via thefrogman)

— 11 hours ago with 5064 notes
#oh GOd  #puppies 

You write your snide bullshit from a dark room because that’s what the angry do nowadays.

(Source: cyberqueer, via eversyoung)

— 2 days ago with 1456 notes
#formative  #tsn 

theramiyacoub: Wild child of mine @harrystyles.. Thx for an epic session. And please give me your bike when your done with it!!

theramiyacoub: Wild child of mine @harrystyles.. Thx for an epic session. And please give me your bike when your done with it!!

(Source: fuckyeahzourry, via ianchaloner)

— 3 days ago with 7430 notes
#harry styles  #im... here for it 
latenightseth:

Comedy Bang! Bang! host Scott Aukerman is taking a breather from his own talk show to visit Late Night tonight!

latenightseth:

Comedy Bang! Bang! host Scott Aukerman is taking a breather from his own talk show to visit Late Night tonight!

(via scottaukerman)

— 3 days ago with 166 notes
#heyyyyyyyyy!  #get it choctaw  #cbb 
"You just might not understand it yet. But it’s cool. Family is super cool. Going home to one girl every night is super cool. Just going home and getting on the floor and playing with your child is super cool. Not wearing a red leather jacket, and just looking like a dad and shit, is like super cool. Having someone that I can call Mom again. That shit is super cool."
— 3 days ago with 20799 notes
#the rest of this article is a bit nutso but wow damn woW